What do you want? Really, really want?

This is one of the first questions I ask my clients and it may surprise you to know that they often find it a hard one to answer.  We trundle along, getting on with our lives, never giving a lot of thought to what we really want.  

But the point is, if we don’t know what we want, how can we know how to get it?

I don’t just mean ‘stuff’, like wanting a new kitchen or a new anything. 

I mean, what is it that isn’t really working in your life at the moment? 

What CHANGES would you make if only you had the confidence?

Let me give you an example.  (No real names of clients or their families will be used in any of my posts.)

Sara told me that she really wanted to be more consistent with her children.  She was very aware  that their behaviour was bad and that she no longer had control.  Every day she faced the same battles with her 4 year old daughter, Helen, who would always refuse to put her shoes on.  In fact she would often refuse to do anything her mother wanted her to do.  She would scream and yell and have such a tantrum that Sarah just gave in.   It was simply easier. 

Except that it wasn’t. 

Because EVERY DAY Sara dreaded the rows and really, really wanted to find the confidence to do something about it.

Often, we are too close to the problem to be able to see the bigger picture. Together, Sara and  I worked out a strategy for dealing with the problem.

  1. She was CLEAR about what she wanted.
  2. She believed we could sort it out TOGETHER.
  3. She got what she wanted, STEP BY STEP.

Sara kept a diary of the actions she took and the results and she surprised herself at how she finally, after a few weeks , her confidence grew and she got what she really, really wanted.

‘Change starts when someone sees the next step.’

William Drayton


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