What are you like at receiving complements?
One of my clients told me she was hopeless at it.
‘I never believe they mean it,’ she said. ‘So I just shrug it off, feeling a bit embarrassed.’
One of Lyn’s goals was to ‘feel valid’. I felt sad when she said that. I felt even more sad when she said, ‘I feel like an insignificant person.’
We talked about the whole complements issue and what if feels like to receive them.
I asked her how a friend would feel if Lyn paid her a complement and then her friend just shrugged it off. She hadn’t thought of it that way before and realised that she’d been rejecting these ‘gifts’ from friends and family without understanding the effect on the givers.
I suggested she should start a Complements Book. She should keep it in her handbag and jot down any complements she received.
She looked at me quizzically, and insisted, ‘But I’ll have nothing to write!’
I assured her everything counted, however small it might seem. All she had to do was say ‘Thankyou’ and not shrug it off.
She persevered, and guess what! At our next session she shyly showed me the first page :
‘I love your handbag! Where did you get it?’
‘That was a great pud, mum!’
‘Your garden is looking gorgeous! Any chance you could you help me with mine!’
Gradually, Lyn began to believe what her friends and family were saying about her. And best of all, she began to believe she was a ‘significant person’.
because she was worth it.
Listen to what is said to you. Accept each complement, write it down and believe it…
…’Because You’re Worth It…