Day 25- How not to feel a failure

This post is for Marea, who commented on this blog about how she felt she’d achieved nothing in her life. 

She says, ‘What have I achieved?’

and then goes on to tell us about her children and gorgeous grandchildren, how she stayed at home to look after her family…

Do you feel like this?

You do?  OK, Let’s look at this properly.

So… you think you’re a failure.  In whose eyes exactly?

Only yours!

It all depends on how you measure success. It also depends on what you were brought up to believe about success.

Does success mean

  • multiple holidays abroad? =MONEY
  • a flashy car? =MONEY
  • an elaborate home? =MONEY

Perhaps you were conditioned to believe that success is measured by accumulating ‘stuff’, as an outward sign to others that you’ve ‘made it’.

 In my view it means a lot more than that!

Ask your family and friends how they see you. Ask them what they think you’ve achieved in life so far. 

For example – a loyal friend, -a conscientious parent, -an unselfish sibling, – a ‘fun to be with’ grandparent, – a generous helper who gives her time freely.   I think you get my drift.

All these are far more of an achievement than merely driving a flash car. These achievements last, they affect the people around you, they influence all the people you know.

So many ‘career’ women out there long to have a child, to be at the school gate at 3.30, to have time for a family. All the accumulated wealth can never make up for that.

When I was teaching dyslexic students, I was waiting with one of them for his mum to pick him up. She drove a Porsche and he was proud to show me, in a good way.

Several years later I met her in Sainsbury’s and asked after Harry. I was very sad to hear that he had a serious kidney condition and was receiving home dialysis. 

As I drove home, I knew, without a doubt, that she would have traded her Porsche and all her wealth for Harry to be well.


TODAY’S TASK (for everyone, not just Marea!)

  • Write down what success means to you. It will be different for every one.
  • Make a list of all your achievements so far- yes, including passing Grade 1 in piano/violin/whatever!
  • Now add to the list all the achievements your friends and family would add. Ask them! You’ll be surprised.

so… are you still a failure?

I don’t think so!

Remember: No one is better than anyone else, just different!



Filed under Confidence Coaching

2 responses to “Day 25- How not to feel a failure

  1. I hope this was helpful, Marea. Do feel free to ask for more! I’ll do my best to help…

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