6th Thing To Stop…and Keep Your Confidence Habit

6. Stop Putting Up With It! 

Does this sound familiar?   

  • ‘I know he doesn’t mean it really…’
  • ‘It’s just the way he is…’
  • It doesn’t matter…’

Yes! It DOES!   

 Imagine the scenario –   

Karen’s mother-in-law is very dominant.   

Every June she organises a big family BBQ.   

Karen hates very minute.   


  • because her MIL lives 90 minutes drive away
  • Karen always agrees to be the driver so her OH can have a few drinks
  • Karen feels she has nothing in common with most of the guests
  • She feels forced into a ‘straight jacket’ of obligation

So… what can she do?   

I asked Karen what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to stop going to these occasions but felt she ought to or it would look rude.   

We made a plan –   

KAREN’S PLAN               

  1. Decide what she wants to do.
  2. Discuss it with her OH and explain exactly how she feels.
  3. Decide to write, e:mail or phone her MIL to say ‘no’ to the invitation.
  4. If necessary she could say she was double booked.
  5. Wait… for the sky to fall in!


Karen couldn’t believe how relieved she felt as soon as she’d taken positive action.   

And… guess what!  The Sky Stayed Put!   


  • Think about what you are putting up with.
  • Choose the least daunting area.
  • Decide to talk to/write/e:mail the person concerned
  • Tell them what you want to happen. Describe their behaviour but don’t blame. eg I feel sad when you…   I would like you to…
  • End on a positive note, eg I feel so much better now we’ve discussed this… I’m so glad we found time to talk…

‘If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.’    Morris West


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