Who’s in control of ‘you’?
How many of these can you tick?
- I always try to fit in…
- I find it hard to speak my mind…
- I often say ‘Yes’ when I want to say ‘No’…
- I rarely take the initiative…
- I always seem to come second…
- I find it hard to give my opinion …
- I tend to hide my views
- It’s just easier to go along with the crowd sometimes…
Today I will show you how you can take control of ‘you’ and kick-start your confidence.
Why are you like this?
- Perhaps you had controlling parents. You were brought up to be ‘good’ and never step out of line. The ‘pay off’ for you was your parents didn’t get cross. The household was calm.
- Perhaps you were trained to believe that you should be ‘seen and not heard’. You were taught to put everyone else before you. You conformed to what they wanted and the ‘pay off’ for you was no-one disapproved of you.
How to take Control.
Practise with insignificant situations.
- Perhaps… the phone rings. Someone wants you to do something. You would normally comply BUT today you can CHOOSE. make the choice that your instinct tells you is right for you.
- Perhaps…there’s a family discussion about where to go for a day out. Don’t say, ‘I don’t mind! It’s up to you!’ Take control and tell them where YOU would like to go and STICK TO IT.
- Perhaps… A friend asks you for your opinion about which dress to buy, which restaurant to go to, which holiday destination to choose. Here’s your chance to practise giving your opinion, when it doesn’t really matter.
I promise that every time you take control in an ‘unimportant’ situation, your confidence will come out of hiding.
Notice how it feels. Look out for times to practise. I can’t promise that practise will make you ‘perfect’ but I can promise that you will see improvement in your confidence as you take control.
Then you’ll be able to start taking control in more significant situations.
What happened to you to make you feel you are not important?
Do tell us – it helps us all to know we’re not the only ones who feel this way.
‘We teach people how to treat us.’
Dr Phil. ‘Life Strategies.’