How To Lose Friends And Feel Great About It!

‘Guess what! I’ve got 274 friends on Facebook! How many have you got?’     

I was in the supermarket when I heard two teenagers talking.      

I smiled to myself as I walked away and thought about what I’d been reading over on Zen Habits.      

Leo Babauta was writing about ‘De-cluttering’ and I realised that his attitude to getting rid of ‘stuff’ we neither need, want or enjoy could be applied to the people in our lives, particularly friends.     

What is all this about having so many ‘friends’ on Face Book?     

It seems to me to be a very clever way to increase isolation and loneliness.     

Why do I think this?     

  • Most of these ‘friends’ will remain cyber acquaintances. We’ll never meet for real, simply chat on line.
  • There aren’t enough hours in each day to talk to them about more than superficial things.
  • How can you retain a friendship when you can only chat for a few minutes before moving on to the next person?

Perhaps I just don’t get it.     

But I realised that we do need to think about how and  why we acquire our friends and how many people we can call ‘friends’.     

True friends?

 

 Here’s my Positive Spin on How to Lose Friends and Feel Great About It.      

  • Don’t rush in.

It’s so easy to do! You’re on holiday, you meet someone/a couple/whatever and you hang out with them. You meet for meals, sit with them in the bar/on the beach/wherever, and very soon you’re exchanging addresses. And what happens? After a few emails or perhaps phone calls, the friendship grinds to a halt.     

Why?     

Because what you had in common was … you were on holiday together… and that’s about it.     

  • Think… does this ‘friend’ add or take away from your life?

When they call you, does your heart sink? Do they always want something from you or do they invite you to join them for a meal/ask how you’re doing/offer to help when you need it?     

Are they ‘drains’ or are they ‘radiators’?     

So… why are they still on your ‘friends list’?     

  • Step away from the phone.

Who gets in touch with who?     

If you’re not sure whether to keep contact with this person,    

wait…    

See how long it is before they contact you.     

How important to you, is contact with them?     

So… are they still on your ‘friends list’?    

Some people collect friends like other people collect DVDs.  Perhaps it boosts their self-esteem to believe they’re ‘popular’ (whatever that means…). But, as with the DVDs lining your shelves, if they don’t add anything to your life, why keep them? When I know I won’t watch a DVD again it goes to the charity shop… along with the books I won’t read again.    

Are you cluttering up your life with too many ‘friends’ who add nothing to your life?    

Far better to focus on nurturing a ‘few’ than being superficial with the ‘many’,( especially on Facebook in my view.)    

     

‘Aristotle said, ‘A friendship is essentially a partnership.’    

How many true friends do you have?  Honestly?    

What’s your view of Facebook as a tool for real friendship?

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8 Comments

Filed under action, anxious, expectation, fear, happiness, hope, positive, realistic

8 responses to “How To Lose Friends And Feel Great About It!

  1. These are all good points to consider. I personally don’t like to have large numbers of “friends,” either. After all, to really have a relationship, you need to put time into that relationship. Someone can’t simply be a “friend,” at least, not a true friend, if you barely spend time or chat with her/him.

    Relationships take time to form, and they take time to grow.

    That’s why I only accept friend invites on Facebook if I truly know the person and interact with her/him on a daily basis. I may not have hundreds of people on my friends list, but at least I can truly say the people I do have on my friends list are friends.

    Christina

    • Hello Christine, Thanks for joining in with the ‘Spinners’!
      I agree about taking time to form relationships. I like the way you use Facebook too.

  2. Emma

    I for one am not fussed the number of friends I have on facebook, to me it is more important about who is a friend. So much so that I even deleted my mother in law from my friends list as I wanted somewhere to vent about her when she had annoyed/upset me. She knows I have done this and I am on the verge of doing the same with my aunt in law who has decided to use to do make small attacks at me. My view is just cause they are family doesn’t mean I have to have them as a friend if they are going to cause more hurt than good.

    • Hi Emma, Sorry to hear you’re having problems with some of your family. Trouble is, we don’t get to choose our family members and we sometimes wish we could cross some of them off the list too… I s there a rule that says we have to like them, I wonder?

  3. Hi, Linda. I came here through your comment in Bendedspoon’s blog.

    I have an embarrassing 1,493 “friends” in Facebook. I play Castle Age and it helps that I have a big “army”. I know this is nutty, which is why I have taken out the Friends window from my public profile and don’t post anything personal in my FB— not even my location or family name.

    I do have real friends in my FB, though; I sort my “friends” meticulously into 20 folders so I can keep track of those that I want to maintain relations with. There is a lot of clutter in my FB but it is organized clutter. 😉

    I love your blog— thanks for sharing your refreshing thoughts. I will be digging around.

    • Hi Suzzette, Great to have you joining in, from over on Bendedspoon’s blog. I like the idea of ‘organised clutter’! My next post will be about How to declutter your relatives. I need to put my Positive Thinking hat on for that…. Hope to see you here again very soon.

  4. Ruth Churcher

    Hi Linda,
    I thought I was your friend way back but suddenly you dropped me . So this was de cluttering eh?
    Ruth

    • Hey Ruth! Brilliant to hear from you! De-clutter? Noooo! Never!!!!
      You’d popped off to France and we lost touch! So how on earth did you find me? So glad you did. I’ll email you with a bit of an update, so we can get back in touch,

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