‘I can’t believe you never exercise!’
‘Why on earth would you want an i-phone?’
‘You really should drink more water!’
Hold on a minute!
- You’re over twenty-one!
- You get fed up with people telling you what you should do or not do!
- You feel undermined!
So what do you do?
- You sit on it.
- You put up with it.
- You keep your mouth shut.
- Because you hate confrontations.
- Because you want to stay friends.
- Because you always do…
OK, Spinners! Here’s…
How To Stop Putting Up With Stuff You Don’t Want To Put Up With
Problem: You’re worried that you’ll find yourself agreeing to go to your sister’s again for Christmas..
- Sit down quietly and decide what you want to do.
- Write down exactly what you want to say.
- Set aside a time to speak to her, in person or on the phone
- Stay calm and state clearly what it is you want to change.
- Start with a ‘positive’, like ‘I do appreciate the hard work you put into Christmas.’
- Then: ‘We’ve decided to have a quiet Christmas here this year. ‘
- Then: ‘We’ll arrange to get together as soon as Christmas is over/in the New Year/in February…
Problem: You always end up buying the clothes items your dominant friend suggests.
- If she tells you she doesn’t like your choice, simply smile and say, ‘ I can see you don’t like this coat/dress/sweater but I love it and I’m buying it!’
Problem: You’ve allowed the situation to escalate. Your friend is used to you always going along with her plans.
- Decide to put a stop to it.
- Next time she tries to ‘organise’ you, step in and make it quite clear you’ve decided what you’re going to do.
- When she invites you to go to the cinema/meal/coffee shop, say, ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ or ‘That won’t work for me. Can we leave it for a week or two?’
- When she suggests you should do more exercise, drink more water, buy a more up to date phone, tell her it’s your choice to make.
Problem: You find assertiveness difficult.
- Watch people when they’re being assertive, on TV, in a film, anywhere!
- Note how they behave and practise copying them, their body language, speech, attitude.
- Practise saying what you want to say, in the car, alone in your home, out for a walk, until it comes more naturally to you.
- You have a right to an opinion.
- You have a right to a choice.
- You have a right to be heard.
- You have a right to be ‘different’.
- You have a right to disagree.
Don’t put it off!
Make your voice heard there and then, next time you think about ‘putting up with it’, without anger, without fear, calmly, confidently and assertively.
Do not put up with stuff you don’t want to put up with.
I read this over on my friend’s blog:
‘The shoe that fits one person pinches another.
There is no recipe for living that fits all cases.’
Carl Gustav Jung
Over to you!
What are you putting up with?
What are you going to do about it?
Header image: thanks to cursedthing on Flickr