Tag Archives: honest

How To Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Still Remain Positive

Guest post, especially for us, by Kiesha Easley from WeBlogBetter…  Thank you Kiesha.

I won’t lie, being completely and brutally honest with yourself is not the most pleasant activity.  In fact, it can get down right ugly.  Especially, if like most people, you’ve done some things in your past that you’re not too proud of.  No one likes to think of themself as the bad guy, but it happens.

What’s even worse is that while we’re doing hurtful things to people, it rarely bothers our conscious until the consequences slap us in the face.

When I think about how I used to treat my younger sisters when we were kids, my heart often aches with shame. I really neglected them and avoided spending time with them like the plague.  I’m nearly 10 years older than them and as a teenager, I just didn’t want to be bothered.

I’d yell at them and kick them out of the room without a second thought, and taking them to the playground was out of the question.

After we grew up, things got a little better, but nothing to receive awards over.  Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised and hurt when-

I overheard my sister tell someone that I wasn’t as nice as everybody thought I was.

Ouch! That hurt and my first response was sadness, as if I were the victim, when really what my sister was saying was totally true.  How nice could I really be if I could treat my sisters the way that I did?

I took some time to reflect on it and realized that the truth is that no matter how hard I try to be nice to others, sometimes I get grumpy. Most mornings I’m grumpy and unpleasant to be around.  I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true.  In order to be able to love and live with myself, I have to simply accept that fact.

The good news is that nobody has to be perfect; everybody is flawed in some way.  So why do we expect to be any different?

There are tons of things about myself that I don’t like, but I’ve learned that once I acknowledge the flaw, I can make a choice to try to improve the things that I can and learn to be at peace with things that I can’t.

That’s how I’m able to be brutally honest with myself and still keep a positive attitude.  That’s what keeps me from constantly blaming others; that’s what helps me accept responsibility for my actions.  Sometimes, I just have to apologize for being a jerk, and then do what I can to fix it and move on.

Have you ever been around someone who couldn’t accept responsibility for their actions to save their life? 

I know a few people who are always blaming others for their mistakes. They do this so much that even when there’s no one around to blame, they will still manage to find an excuse. If one night while driving alone, they ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle, when asked why they did it, they’d quickly blurt, “It wasn’t my fault! I was distracted because my girlfriend keeps stressing me out!” instead of accepting the brutal truth that they simply weren’t paying attention.

You don’t have to hate yourself for mistakes you’ve made. In fact, being able to accept the truth about yourself and still love yourself is a sign of maturity and integrity.

So what about you?

Do you ever have a hard time loving yourself when you think about the things you’ve done wrong over the years?

What do you need to accept about yourself?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image byAnita Robicheau, on Flickr.

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Ooops! I Said ‘Yes’ But I Wish I’d Said ‘No’! (And What To Do About It…)

Why did I say 'yes'???

 This post is for Christine.

You put down the phone.

Your heart sinks.

You’ve got butterflies…

If only you’d been brave and said ‘No’.

Oh well… that’s it. Nothing more to be done.

Stop right there!

All is not lost.

You have the right to change your mind!

I’ll pause while you read that again….

You know why you did it:

  • You’d felt guilty if you said ‘no’
  • You didn’t want an argument
  • It was easier
  • You always do…

Why do you want to change your mind?

Here’s what to do about it.

  • Say what you want.

‘Sarah/mum/Simon… I need to cancel the arrangement we made to go to the cinema/come to you for Christmas/go on holiday with you/come to you for the week-end.’

  • Don’t apologise or grovel, simply give the real reasons.

I realise I’m over committed/under a lot of pressure at the moment.’

‘We want to have a quiet Christmas this year but would love to see you in the New Year/ in February/ on your birthday’  – whatever you actually want to do.

  • Be clear and honest

You must say what you want, don’t apologise,On reflection/now I’ve had time to think about it /I realise that it doesn’t work for me/us at the moment. (Leaving the door open if that’s what you want to do.)

  • Listen to what they say.

Give them a chance to respond and try to see it from their shoes. But don’t be persuaded to give in. Perhaps you can concede that you understand it’s a nuisance/inconvenient for them, but remember, you have every right to change your mind.

 You could say something along these lines: ‘I understand that this is a nuisance but it’s what I want to do.’

 What will happen ?

  • They’ll be upset
  • They’ll be surprised but not upset
  • They’ll understand and appreciate your situation and your honesty

If you feel yourself begin to waver, simply remember that

you have the right to change your mind.

Result?

  • Once you’ve had the conversation, you’ll know it was the right thing to do because you’ll feel relieved
  • You’ll feel so much more confident about saying ‘no’ in the future.
  • You’ll smile all day!

Are you going to change your mind about something?

What do you wish you’d said ‘no’ to?

Do share, in the comments, how you dealt with it… we’d all like some help with this!

An excellent book on this subject: ‘Assertiveness’ by Claire Walmsly.  BBC books.

Header image courtesy of cursedthing and post image by Nicoli Barea, on Flickr.

 

    

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A Brief But Useful Guide To Interview Success

After I wrote my post for Friday –     

‘9 First Impressions and 1 Thought’      

it dawned on me that everything I’d written could apply to   

making good ‘First Impressions’ for that elusive job interview!     

Is this too much, do you think??

 

Let me remind you…     

9 First Impressions for my blog –     

or an interview!     

  1. Be a bit different.  Let the interviewer see that you’re an interesting person who’ll be an asset to their business.
  2. Dress to reflect your personality, to stand out from the crowd (but not tooo over the top…)
  3. Be approachable.  Smile and give a firm handshake. Make eye contact, but again, not  too over the top…
  4. Be honest in how you respond to their questions.
  5. Don’t pretend to be an expert if you’re not. Don’t over state your abilities – it doesn’t work in the long run.
  6. Show you’re useful and  interested in the job and the company/organisation.
  7. Don’t clutter yourself with  jewellery or too much makeup. Wear clothes that show you’re confident but not too confident. (If you’re a man, ditch the cartoon tie and the purple shirt unless you’re after a job in the arts/media/graphics etc).
  8. Make sure you’re true to yourself and your image.
  9. Show that you will do your best to  meet the needs of your employer.

      

And 1 Thought…     

What advice can you add to this list for an interviewee?

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9 First Impressions… And 1 Thought… About This Blog

The more I consider the topic – First Impressions – the more I want to write about it!

Over on Big Girl Branding, I was reading a guest post by Steve Lazuka. He’s writing about the impressions visitors might get from our blogs and it started me thinking about mine.

I’ve been blogging since March this year but I know I still have lots to learn.

I decided to look at this blog as a first time visitor might and ponder on how I have portrayed myself and my niche.

Here’s what I found:

  1. I’ve tried to make my blog a bit different so that people will want to return and read some more. I try to do this by writing in a style that reflects my personality, taking a quirky look at life.
  2. I use a photo for the heading that reflects my Positive Spin personality and I will change the photo from time to time.
  3. I have tried to make the blog user-friendly and approachable by using a clean theme from Word Press.
  4. I write as if I’m meeting  my reader in person, being honest in my views.
  5. I don’t pretend to be an expert, simply a Confidence Coach who learns every day from her experiences.
  6. I want to be helpful, useful, interesting and encouraging to my reader.
  7. I try not to clutter the site with unnecessary ‘stuff’ so that my reader isn’t confused.
  8. I chose my photo to be as honest as possible, giving the true ‘picture’of who I am.
  9. I write about a variety of topics and hope to meet the reader’s needs.

And 1 Thought?

What would you like me to add/subtract from this site to improve and develop it?

All (polite!) suggestions will be noted and acted upon if I can.

Over to you… feel free… !

 

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Discover How Honesty Brings Confidence

Today I will help you to be honest about what you want to change/achieve.

 Last week I was afraid. Very afraid.

My female readers will understand when I tell you that I’d been for a routine mammogram.  And then I had to wait for the letter to tell me all was well. Except that it wasn’t. All well, that is.

I had to go back for more tests and x-rays. Which shouldn’t have been too much of a worry except that I have had breast cancer before and I didn’t exactly want to have it again.

In fact all WAS well. They just had to double check something.  Nothing at all to worry about.

Wow!

It made me really think about all the things I would have done if it had been bad news, all the things I wouldn’t have put off, all the things on my ‘I’ll do it one day’ list…

When something like that happens it can be life changing. You realise what is and isn’t important, what you’ve been neglecting, who you should be seeing more of.

SIMPLE STEPS TO CONFIDENCE

2. BE HONEST

  • When you think about your life,  what’s missing?

Perhaps … you’ve always wanted to take a cookery class, do some voluntary work, be a prison visitor, learn to roller blade, go up in a hot-air balloon, travel by train to the North of Scotland, tell your mother-in-law what you really think of her…oooops! perhaps that might be a ‘step too far’…

Be honest…

Choose the ‘realistic, achievable with help and time on my side’ item on your list.

 

  • When you think about your life, what do you have too much/too little of?

Perhaps… you think your family expects too much of you and relies on you too much, your partner criticises you in public, it never seems to be ‘your turn.’

Be honest …

Choose the item at the top of your ‘I wish/if only’ list.

 

  • When you think about your relationships, what do you instinctively know is wrong?

Perhaps… you give in too much, you subdue your true feelings, you don’t comment on their drinking habits, the way they speak to you in front of the children, their critical remarks.

Be honest… 

Choose which aspect you’d deal with, if only you had the confidence

Forget about ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts‘.

Just pause for a moment…

Imagine how much more confident you’ll feel once you begin to be honest with yourself…

And always remember…

Whatever matters to YOU, matters.

 

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