Tag Archives: perfect

How To Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Still Remain Positive

Guest post, especially for us, by Kiesha Easley from WeBlogBetter…  Thank you Kiesha.

I won’t lie, being completely and brutally honest with yourself is not the most pleasant activity.  In fact, it can get down right ugly.  Especially, if like most people, you’ve done some things in your past that you’re not too proud of.  No one likes to think of themself as the bad guy, but it happens.

What’s even worse is that while we’re doing hurtful things to people, it rarely bothers our conscious until the consequences slap us in the face.

When I think about how I used to treat my younger sisters when we were kids, my heart often aches with shame. I really neglected them and avoided spending time with them like the plague.  I’m nearly 10 years older than them and as a teenager, I just didn’t want to be bothered.

I’d yell at them and kick them out of the room without a second thought, and taking them to the playground was out of the question.

After we grew up, things got a little better, but nothing to receive awards over.  Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised and hurt when-

I overheard my sister tell someone that I wasn’t as nice as everybody thought I was.

Ouch! That hurt and my first response was sadness, as if I were the victim, when really what my sister was saying was totally true.  How nice could I really be if I could treat my sisters the way that I did?

I took some time to reflect on it and realized that the truth is that no matter how hard I try to be nice to others, sometimes I get grumpy. Most mornings I’m grumpy and unpleasant to be around.  I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true.  In order to be able to love and live with myself, I have to simply accept that fact.

The good news is that nobody has to be perfect; everybody is flawed in some way.  So why do we expect to be any different?

There are tons of things about myself that I don’t like, but I’ve learned that once I acknowledge the flaw, I can make a choice to try to improve the things that I can and learn to be at peace with things that I can’t.

That’s how I’m able to be brutally honest with myself and still keep a positive attitude.  That’s what keeps me from constantly blaming others; that’s what helps me accept responsibility for my actions.  Sometimes, I just have to apologize for being a jerk, and then do what I can to fix it and move on.

Have you ever been around someone who couldn’t accept responsibility for their actions to save their life? 

I know a few people who are always blaming others for their mistakes. They do this so much that even when there’s no one around to blame, they will still manage to find an excuse. If one night while driving alone, they ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle, when asked why they did it, they’d quickly blurt, “It wasn’t my fault! I was distracted because my girlfriend keeps stressing me out!” instead of accepting the brutal truth that they simply weren’t paying attention.

You don’t have to hate yourself for mistakes you’ve made. In fact, being able to accept the truth about yourself and still love yourself is a sign of maturity and integrity.

So what about you?

Do you ever have a hard time loving yourself when you think about the things you’ve done wrong over the years?

What do you need to accept about yourself?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image byAnita Robicheau, on Flickr.

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Filed under action, adjust, change, excuses,, expectation, Guest Post, positive, realistic, success

How Failure Can Turn You Into A Happy Bunny (Part 3)

My stomach churns.  

I hardly dare look.  

She hands me the pages.  

Covered with red ink.  

‘It’s good so far’, she says. ‘But may I make a few suggestions?’  

No… it wasn’t my Maths homework. This happened about two weeks ago. It was the first draft of my book, edited by a professional editor.  

‘I’d like you to do some more research. It’ll add a lot to the book, but…. it’s your work, you must decide what’s best.’  

I was not a happy bunny.  

It felt exactly the same as having my Maths homework returned with loads of corrections to do.  

Let’s face it – my pride was hurt.  

Why wasn’t it OK as it was?  

Why did I have to do more research?  

Why wasn’t it a masterpiece already?  

   

Picture the scene two weeks later.  

I’d researched for hours on the net, added several thousand words, re-arranged some of the chapters, changed some titles and felt quietly confident with the result. In short –  

I was a happy bunny.  

I knew she was right...

 

No-one likes to be corrected. Not really.  

Especially as an adult.  

It’s hard to admit when we haven’t got it quite right and need to do more work.  

But failing to write the perfect ‘first draft’ of my book taught me a lesson.  

It also illustrated the last two of my…  

6 Reasons That Failure Is Good For You.  

5.   ‘Failure’ shows you how you can, and should, improve.  

      Just when you think you’ve got it right, perhaps you haven’t.  Perhaps you ‘could do better’.  

6.   Failure shows you that nothing achieved easily brings satisfaction.  

I shall be so proud when I truly have finished and my editor tells me it’s ready for publication.  

    

Over to you!  

  • What have you worked extra hard on and finally completed with pride?
  • What have you failed at but secretly known you should have done more to succeed?
  • What has failure, in any sense, taught you?

All thoughts in the comments please!  

   

Header image by abyreed on Flickr.  

Rabbit photo by hans s on Flickr.  

   

 

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Filed under adjust, anxious, excuses,, expectation, failure, hope, persistence, plans, progress, realistic, success

How Not To Have A Perfect Holiday

     

Perfection?

 

 …your ‘perfect holiday’.  

‘We were delayed for 8 hours…’    

‘The humidity was dreadful…’    

”The mosquitos were an ‘absolute nightmare’  (sorry, regular readers – had to pop that link in!)    

Hetty the Hermit wrote about her holiday and it started me thinking… again… as she often does…    

So much emphasis is put on having to have the perfect trip.    

The magazines are full of articles about getting the perfect tan, the perfect holiday capsule wardrobe, the perfectly packed case.    

But what’s the ‘real deal’?    

  • Two weeks of bliss by the pool?

             How about two weeks of sunburn?    

  • Half an hour of browsing in the airport bookshop?

             How about a rush to check in because the taxi was late?    

  • Glorious weather?

             How about thunderstorms, humidity and soaring temperatures?      

  • A fun time for the children?

             How about sunburn, late nights and tantrums over the food?    

OK, OK – perhaps you think I exaggerate but all of the above have happened to me.    

Somehow our expectations always exceed the reality.    

     

But isn’t that normal for most of us?    

We expect too much, hope for perfection, then discover that perfection doesn’t exist.    

What we should be aiming for is finding satisfaction in every day, rather than putting all our hopes into those two precious weeks.    

So many of us put up with our every day lives, letting life pass us by, wishing our time away, until that elusive, perfect holiday.    

     

Have you been away lately?    

How was it?    

Did it live up to your expectations?    

I hope so.    

Was it ‘perfect’?    

What would be your perfect holiday?

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Rant and Rave!

We had a row.

In the car-wash.

 

It was his first time and he didn’t want to seem foolish.

As if…

 

Half way through….the window leaked.

Badly.

Water streamed in, soaking him.

I wanted to laugh…

But I sensed it wasn’t the moment…

 

He ranted and raved, at the world, the car, the car wash guy, you name it….

Over on Jean’s Virgin Blogger Notes I’d read about Ranting and Raving.

And how we all need to do it.

It’s good for us.

 

My poor OH was mortified at his behaviour afterwards, was full of apologies.

But I was pleased that it happened.

Why?

Because it wasn’t about the car wash, or the world, or anything in particular.

It was a sign.

Of stress.

 

We talked about it (thankfully he will talk about sensitive stuff) and he’ll make an appointment to see our Dr to talk to him.

He may prescribe something, he may not,but at least we realised that such an outburst was only a sign.

And we took notice….

 

Don’t be afraid to confront your weaknesses, your fears, your perceived inadequacies.

They could be a sign….

that you need the confidence to sort something out.

After all…. no-one’s perfect

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Filed under action, adjust, change, Confidence Coaching, excuses,, fear, happiness, instincts, progress, realistic, success

Day 15 – White sheep?

A stunning Spring day – scudding clouds, tiny leaves emerging in the hedges, willows cascading like green waterfalls, and fields of white sheep.  Hummocks of white, flopped down amongst the bright green of the field.  

I park the car and get out to lean on the gate and watch for a while.   

And then I notice.  

These sheep aren’t white at all. They’re grubby, pale brown, with clumps of drying mud clinging to their tangled woollen coats. My romantic image of these pure white sheep is sadly mistaken.  

It’s so easy to believe that everyone else is thinner/smarter/more stylish/more capable, than you are.  But wait a minute!

Stop, park the car, lean on the gate and watch for a while.  And you’ll soon see that everyone else is not  as you’d imagined.  They too are grubby, pale brown, with clumps of drying mud clinging to their tangled woollen coats.  

TODAY’S TASK  

  • Look around you. Who do you see?
  • Imagine how they’re viewing you.  They no doubt see you as a confident, capable parent/ student/ cook/ gardener/ whatever!
  • Are you the ‘perfect white sheep’ that they imagine? Or are you just like everyone else, doing the best they can…

‘Put your future in good hands – your own.’ ANON  

 

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So What’s your Goal?

 

 

Yesterday I introduced the topic of ‘goals’.  You probably have loads.  Why not make a list?

Hope you’ve written at least 20. 

And I bet the more you write on your list the more you can think of?  Great! 

But the bad news is, I want you to focus on just ONE, for today at least.

Decide which of your goals is your PRIORITY goal, the one you absolutely must achieve. 

Yes,  learning how to make a perfect Yorkshire pudding does count!  Even if you’re a man reading this, why not?  If that’s your priority goal, that’s absolutely fine.  This is YOUR goal we’re talking about.  No-one else’s.

OK.  So you’ve named it.  Now all we have to do is achieve it.

Just keep reading.  We’ll get to the next part tomorrow…

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