Tag Archives: responsibility

How To Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Still Remain Positive

Guest post, especially for us, by Kiesha Easley from WeBlogBetter…  Thank you Kiesha.

I won’t lie, being completely and brutally honest with yourself is not the most pleasant activity.  In fact, it can get down right ugly.  Especially, if like most people, you’ve done some things in your past that you’re not too proud of.  No one likes to think of themself as the bad guy, but it happens.

What’s even worse is that while we’re doing hurtful things to people, it rarely bothers our conscious until the consequences slap us in the face.

When I think about how I used to treat my younger sisters when we were kids, my heart often aches with shame. I really neglected them and avoided spending time with them like the plague.  I’m nearly 10 years older than them and as a teenager, I just didn’t want to be bothered.

I’d yell at them and kick them out of the room without a second thought, and taking them to the playground was out of the question.

After we grew up, things got a little better, but nothing to receive awards over.  Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised and hurt when-

I overheard my sister tell someone that I wasn’t as nice as everybody thought I was.

Ouch! That hurt and my first response was sadness, as if I were the victim, when really what my sister was saying was totally true.  How nice could I really be if I could treat my sisters the way that I did?

I took some time to reflect on it and realized that the truth is that no matter how hard I try to be nice to others, sometimes I get grumpy. Most mornings I’m grumpy and unpleasant to be around.  I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true.  In order to be able to love and live with myself, I have to simply accept that fact.

The good news is that nobody has to be perfect; everybody is flawed in some way.  So why do we expect to be any different?

There are tons of things about myself that I don’t like, but I’ve learned that once I acknowledge the flaw, I can make a choice to try to improve the things that I can and learn to be at peace with things that I can’t.

That’s how I’m able to be brutally honest with myself and still keep a positive attitude.  That’s what keeps me from constantly blaming others; that’s what helps me accept responsibility for my actions.  Sometimes, I just have to apologize for being a jerk, and then do what I can to fix it and move on.

Have you ever been around someone who couldn’t accept responsibility for their actions to save their life? 

I know a few people who are always blaming others for their mistakes. They do this so much that even when there’s no one around to blame, they will still manage to find an excuse. If one night while driving alone, they ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle, when asked why they did it, they’d quickly blurt, “It wasn’t my fault! I was distracted because my girlfriend keeps stressing me out!” instead of accepting the brutal truth that they simply weren’t paying attention.

You don’t have to hate yourself for mistakes you’ve made. In fact, being able to accept the truth about yourself and still love yourself is a sign of maturity and integrity.

So what about you?

Do you ever have a hard time loving yourself when you think about the things you’ve done wrong over the years?

What do you need to accept about yourself?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image byAnita Robicheau, on Flickr.

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Beginners Guide to Solving The Problem of World Peace

It's our problem...

‘World Peace? Our problem? Stop it… now you’re being very silly…’

Errr, no. I’m not. Being silly, that is.

Every drop helps to fill an ocean…

Every Positive Action we take in our tiny ‘world’ will help to bring peace to the larger world, if we all join in.

We can do something to help.

All of us.

If we take the time to think it through.

 

I thought it through and I came up with:

The Beginners Guide to Solving the Problem of  World Peace.

1.   What if… we waited?

Not easy. Doesn’t come naturally. We tend to put ourselves first. 

  • What if we waited…. and let the car out in front? (What?)
  • What if we waited…. without moaning, in the queue? (No,I can’t…)
  • What if we waited…  for the other person to speak and not interrupt?(Impossible…)
  • What if we waited…  before jumping in with our opinion? (But….)

2.   What if …we took responsibility?

It’s easy to lay blame. I do it all the time. It’s not my fault.

  • What if …we admitted when we’re wrong? (Don’t be ridiculous…)
  • What if …we stood in the other person’s shoes? (Why should I?)
  • What if …we acknowledged when we’ve upset someone? (But that’s hard…)
  • What if … we… (good grief!) apologised? (But…)
  • What if …we stopped making excuses for our behaviour? (I can’t do that, because… well, just because…)

3.   What if… we took a back seat for a change?

Oh dear…

  • What if… we spent time listening to a friend’s problem, even when we’re really busy with our own stuff? (Not enough hours in my day!)
  • What if… we didn’t rush away when someone wants to chat and it’s not ‘convenient?’ (But I’ve so much to do.)
  • What if… we didn’t try to influence other people’s choices? (But they’ll get it so wrong!)
  • What if… we said ‘yes’ to a simple request, even when we ‘d rather not ‘because it’s too much trouble’? (Must I?)

4.   What if…we smiled rather than frowned?

It doesn’t seem to come naturally but people are surprised when you do!

  • What if… you smiled and waved at the driver who ‘cut you up’ on the motor way?  (He’d be very surprised! OK, or she would…)
  • What if… you smiled at the waitress when she brought you the wrong order, and just quietly pointed it out? (I suppose I could…)
  • What if… you smiled rather than exploded when you lost a document on the computer, because it was your mistake and no-one else’s? (OK, I get your point…)

5.   What if … we stopped  blaming?

I could write a lengthy list of all the people who’re responsible for everything that goes wrong for me. Starting with computer designers…

  • What if… it wasn’t the government’s fault that our schools don’t meet our children’s needs? (But it is, isn’t it?)
  • What if… it wasn’t the chocolate makers’ fault that you put on weight? (They shouldn’t make such tempting stuff…)
  • What if… it wasn’t your partner’s fault that the washing machine won’t work today? (It has to be his fault, I didn’t overload it…)
  • What if… it wasn’t your child’s fault that he missed the bus? (Of course it was.)

The more I think about it the more I realise that we could all do more to make – 

  • our everyday lives more peaceful,
  • our family’s lives more peaceful,
  • our friends’ lives more peaceful,
  • everyone we meet’s lives more peaceful,

(see where I’m going with this?)

What do you think?

  • Am I being too idealistic?
  • Am I being silly?
  • Or… can we help solve the enormous problem of world peace?

In a small way?

Join our World Peace Chain, mentioned in the comments!

What will YOU do?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image by Cayusa, both on Flickr

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Why You Must Rock That Boat To Make That Change

stress

‘It’s all too much!’ 

‘I don’t know where to start!’ 

I’ve been reading about stress and how to deal with it.

It’s so common.

Many of my clients have told me …

  • I think I’m hopeless.
  • My life is one big muddle.
  • I wake up everyday with a headache.
  • I’m overwhelmed.

I tell them: ‘You must rock the boat!’

Dr Phil writes in his book ‘Life Strategies’ that we are all accountable for what happens to us. And, yes! He’s talking about you too!

Here’s the thing …

You are not a victim. 

So what’s the solution?

How do you magic the stress away?

It’s time …

1.   Time to acknowledge your responsibility for your situation. 

You cannot blame others for where you are because …

  • You made the choices that led to the situation you find your self in.
  • You allowed the behaviour that you don’t like to continue.
  • You failed to take action.

2.   Time to sit down quietly and think about this…

If you could make one change in your daily life that would bring a smile to your face, what would it be?

One client said this:

‘I’ve never really focused on what I want to do. I don’t like to rock the boat.’

Well – just one problem –

if he doesn’t rock the boat, nothing will happen. Everything will stay the same… 

3.   Time to start rocking that boat.

Write down exactly what you want to change.

  • I want to be more consistent with my children. Result? Less stress
  • I want to stop commuting. Result? Less stress.
  • I want to feel valued in my work. Result? Less stress.
  • I want to go back to work now the children are at school. Result? Less stress.
  • I want to have less to do in my day. Result?  Less stress,
  • I want to say ‘no’ to having my in-laws for Easter Sunday lunch … again. Guess what? Less stress all round.

It’s time.

4.   Time to make a plan and rock that boat.

As soon as you do, the stress will begin to lift.

To sum up …

We are all responsible for where we are today, 

and … we are all responsible for where we’ll be tomorrow. 

‘You just can’t keep walking away. At some point you have to turn round and face life head on.’ 

Chris Cleave in his novel – ‘The Other Hand.’

 So …

Are you going to rock that boat? 

When? 

How? 

We want to know! 

Image courtesy of http://www.quidditchcanada.com/athletes-trick-beating-stress/

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Go With The Flow? No! Start Your Own River…

Awesome.

That’s how it felt, seeing wild animals in their natural habitat.

Watching those majestic, gentle zebras as they wandered across the grassy plains in South Africa  is a sight I’ll never forget.

Every day we saw them, one behind the other, following their leader.

Ducklings do it too, don’t they, walking  behind their mum, trusting that she knows where she’s going.

And then there are the ants, in a raggedy line, hurrying across the woodland path, heading for, well, I hope they know where.

Followers are in vogue on the web too. We can be followers on Twitter, Facebook and even on Plinky, a new site that helps inspire bloggers to write.

It’s easy to follow.

No decisions to make,

no choices,

no responsibility.

Just follow the one in front and all will be well.

But will it? Be well?

What if the leader takes you somewhere you don’t want to go?

What if he chooses the wrong path?

What if the mother duck gets run over? What will the ducklings do then? They’ll be lost, aimless, and in danger. 

One day, they’ll be the leaders, having to look after their ducklings. Taking responsibility.

 

Which are you at the moment?

Are you a follower?

  • Are you going along with something,  just because it’s easier?
  • Are you saying ‘yes’ when you know you want to say’no’, because it’s easier?
  • Are you staying stuck in a job/college course/relationship/stale friendship/’draining ‘relationship, because it’s easier?

We are leaders or followers at different stages of our lives.

But when we follow, we should not do it simply because it’s easier.

We should follow because

  • we choose to follow,
  • because we believe that the leader knows the way,
  • because we trust that the path is the right one for us.

If you’re a leader,  you’ll like this quote_

‘Don’t go with the flow – start your own river instead.’

Dr Phil McGraw, ‘Life Strategies’, page 181.

 

What about you?

Have you  started your own river?

Would you like to go against the flow for a change?

Do tell!

 

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Choose the Behaviour-Choose the Result

‘Maximun fine of £1000… Notice of intended prosecution…’

OMG!  Surely this wasn’t meant for me?  I blustered and flustered…

and then I sat down and read the letter slowly.

It was meant for me.  

I was responsible.

 I’d exceeded the speed limit.

And now I had to take responsibility and pay up.

I love this book.  If you read no other ‘Self help’ book, please give it a try.

It’s by Dr Phil McGraw. In Chapter 6, ‘Life Rewards Action’, he says –

‘When you choose the behaviour you choose the consequences.’

I chose to go too fast in a 30 mph limit.

So… I chose the consequences.  I got a fine.

I’ve learnt from this.  I will be very vigilant about speed limits from now on… honest, gov!

Ok.  You’ve chosen your goal.  It’s simple and it’s going to feel like you won the lottery when you achieve it.

Now… what actions are you going to take to make it happen?

‘The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.’  Walter Bagehot

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