Tag Archives: truth

How To Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Still Remain Positive

Guest post, especially for us, by Kiesha Easley from WeBlogBetter…  Thank you Kiesha.

I won’t lie, being completely and brutally honest with yourself is not the most pleasant activity.  In fact, it can get down right ugly.  Especially, if like most people, you’ve done some things in your past that you’re not too proud of.  No one likes to think of themself as the bad guy, but it happens.

What’s even worse is that while we’re doing hurtful things to people, it rarely bothers our conscious until the consequences slap us in the face.

When I think about how I used to treat my younger sisters when we were kids, my heart often aches with shame. I really neglected them and avoided spending time with them like the plague.  I’m nearly 10 years older than them and as a teenager, I just didn’t want to be bothered.

I’d yell at them and kick them out of the room without a second thought, and taking them to the playground was out of the question.

After we grew up, things got a little better, but nothing to receive awards over.  Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised and hurt when-

I overheard my sister tell someone that I wasn’t as nice as everybody thought I was.

Ouch! That hurt and my first response was sadness, as if I were the victim, when really what my sister was saying was totally true.  How nice could I really be if I could treat my sisters the way that I did?

I took some time to reflect on it and realized that the truth is that no matter how hard I try to be nice to others, sometimes I get grumpy. Most mornings I’m grumpy and unpleasant to be around.  I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true.  In order to be able to love and live with myself, I have to simply accept that fact.

The good news is that nobody has to be perfect; everybody is flawed in some way.  So why do we expect to be any different?

There are tons of things about myself that I don’t like, but I’ve learned that once I acknowledge the flaw, I can make a choice to try to improve the things that I can and learn to be at peace with things that I can’t.

That’s how I’m able to be brutally honest with myself and still keep a positive attitude.  That’s what keeps me from constantly blaming others; that’s what helps me accept responsibility for my actions.  Sometimes, I just have to apologize for being a jerk, and then do what I can to fix it and move on.

Have you ever been around someone who couldn’t accept responsibility for their actions to save their life? 

I know a few people who are always blaming others for their mistakes. They do this so much that even when there’s no one around to blame, they will still manage to find an excuse. If one night while driving alone, they ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle, when asked why they did it, they’d quickly blurt, “It wasn’t my fault! I was distracted because my girlfriend keeps stressing me out!” instead of accepting the brutal truth that they simply weren’t paying attention.

You don’t have to hate yourself for mistakes you’ve made. In fact, being able to accept the truth about yourself and still love yourself is a sign of maturity and integrity.

So what about you?

Do you ever have a hard time loving yourself when you think about the things you’ve done wrong over the years?

What do you need to accept about yourself?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image byAnita Robicheau, on Flickr.

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Filed under action, adjust, change, excuses,, expectation, Guest Post, positive, realistic, success

How To Face Your Fears When You’re Too afraid To Try

‘I can’t…’

‘It’s all too much…’

‘I’ll never be able to…’

‘I’m so scared…’

Fear attacks us all.

It’s part of life.

Somehow it always seems far worse at night.

After writing about Night Fears yesterday, I’ve been thinking

and this is my Positive Spin on facing your fears.

Fear thrives in the dark.

It can be whatever it wants to be because we can’t see it.

It can take any form, any shape.

It can fill our minds with nightmarish imaginings and they multiply.

One fearful thought leads to another and before we know it we’re rigid, stuck, unable to face any of it.

Until…

we turn on the light.

As soon as we do that, fear cannot cope.

It shrinks, disappears, scuttles away into the corners where it thinks the light can’t go…

Light tells the truth.

It shows us how it is, not how we imagine it is. It makes everything clear, shows every detail. We can see the way we should go.

We’re no longer stuck.

In the darkness we say –

  • What if…
  • I can’t…
  • How can I…
  • I might not…
  • It might mean…

But when we ‘turn on the light’ we can say…

  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • I can…
  • I might be able to…
  • Tell me more about…
  • All I need to do is…
  • Could you help me to…

 

Here’s my Positive Spin on the problem.

How to face your fears when you’re too afraid to try.

1.   Be clear about what fear is.

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat.

Notice the word perceived.

We all have different perceptions of fear.  I’m not afraid of clowns, others are!

What we need to do is reduce the perceived threat and the fear will reduce also.

2.      Take your head out of the sand.

Unless we accept that we’re afraid we can’t begin to face the fear.

Say it out loud. To the cat. To the dog.  You could even write it down.

3.   Turn on the light.

By this I mean, see it for what it actually is, not how you imagine it is. Stare your fear in the face. Decide to face it.

4.   Gather support.  Share the fear…shrink the fear.

There are many ways to do this –

  • google the problem,  
  • phone a friend/fellow sufferer,
  • talk to your GP/other half/mentor,
  • ask your family to help you.

5.   Take some action today, however small.

The longer we put it off the larger our fear grows.  You can say, ‘I don’t want to think about this right now. I’ll have another glass of wine…’

But tomorrow the fear will have morphed into a much larger fear.  It won’t simply ‘go away’. It’ll lurk in the dark corners of your mind.

With every ‘small’ action you will watch the fear start to shrink.

 As Dr Phil says,

‘If you want different you must do different.’

Dr Phil McGraw ‘Life Strategies.’

Last week I saw a challenge on Problogger.  As a newish blogger I immediately felt out of my depth, uncomfortable, incapable of taking the challenge. Others might be able to do it but not me.

Then, over on Jean’s Virgin Blogger Notes, I read her post about the challenge. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone. Gradually I began to face it, to at least try. The result was the post I wrote two days ago.

Jean read it and gave me the compliment of leaving a comment.

Wow!

I faced the fear, albeit a small one to some, but I perceived it as large.

I faced my fear when I was too afraid to try and learnt a great deal about myself in the process.

 It’s the same for you!

Whatever your fear is, small or large, just face it.

I know it works.

What fears have you faced?

What fears will you face, now that you’re not too afraid to try?

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