Tag Archives: victim

How To Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Still Remain Positive

Guest post, especially for us, by Kiesha Easley from WeBlogBetter…  Thank you Kiesha.

I won’t lie, being completely and brutally honest with yourself is not the most pleasant activity.  In fact, it can get down right ugly.  Especially, if like most people, you’ve done some things in your past that you’re not too proud of.  No one likes to think of themself as the bad guy, but it happens.

What’s even worse is that while we’re doing hurtful things to people, it rarely bothers our conscious until the consequences slap us in the face.

When I think about how I used to treat my younger sisters when we were kids, my heart often aches with shame. I really neglected them and avoided spending time with them like the plague.  I’m nearly 10 years older than them and as a teenager, I just didn’t want to be bothered.

I’d yell at them and kick them out of the room without a second thought, and taking them to the playground was out of the question.

After we grew up, things got a little better, but nothing to receive awards over.  Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised and hurt when-

I overheard my sister tell someone that I wasn’t as nice as everybody thought I was.

Ouch! That hurt and my first response was sadness, as if I were the victim, when really what my sister was saying was totally true.  How nice could I really be if I could treat my sisters the way that I did?

I took some time to reflect on it and realized that the truth is that no matter how hard I try to be nice to others, sometimes I get grumpy. Most mornings I’m grumpy and unpleasant to be around.  I don’t like admitting it, but it’s true.  In order to be able to love and live with myself, I have to simply accept that fact.

The good news is that nobody has to be perfect; everybody is flawed in some way.  So why do we expect to be any different?

There are tons of things about myself that I don’t like, but I’ve learned that once I acknowledge the flaw, I can make a choice to try to improve the things that I can and learn to be at peace with things that I can’t.

That’s how I’m able to be brutally honest with myself and still keep a positive attitude.  That’s what keeps me from constantly blaming others; that’s what helps me accept responsibility for my actions.  Sometimes, I just have to apologize for being a jerk, and then do what I can to fix it and move on.

Have you ever been around someone who couldn’t accept responsibility for their actions to save their life? 

I know a few people who are always blaming others for their mistakes. They do this so much that even when there’s no one around to blame, they will still manage to find an excuse. If one night while driving alone, they ran a red light and crashed into another vehicle, when asked why they did it, they’d quickly blurt, “It wasn’t my fault! I was distracted because my girlfriend keeps stressing me out!” instead of accepting the brutal truth that they simply weren’t paying attention.

You don’t have to hate yourself for mistakes you’ve made. In fact, being able to accept the truth about yourself and still love yourself is a sign of maturity and integrity.

So what about you?

Do you ever have a hard time loving yourself when you think about the things you’ve done wrong over the years?

What do you need to accept about yourself?

 

Header image by cursedthing, post image byAnita Robicheau, on Flickr.

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Face It!

No-one likes confrontation.

It makes us uncomfortable.

It can make us afraid.

So we avoid it.

 

Why?

Because …it’s easier.

Because …we hate raised voices.

Because …we want to be liked.

Because… you fill in the blank…

 

We must Face It. We must learn to be assertive.

 

Assertiveness means finding the inner strength to tackle annoying/distressing/irritating behaviours.

 

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

  • don’t be a door mat!
  • think carefully about what exactly you want to be different
  • if it helps, write down what you want to say
  • say what you want to happen
  • suggest how this could be done

For example-

You have a very demanding mother/father/ sibling. They expect you to be at their beck and call.

They play ‘the victim’ saying they can’t manage without your help/visits/taking them shopping/doing their housework/solving their problems.

Tell him/her how you feel.

‘I feel overwhelmed by all that you ask me to do.’

Tell them what you want.

‘I’d like you to stop expecting me to do so much for you.’

Tell them how this will happen.

‘I will visit you every …, and I can do … for you. But I am unable to do… ‘

 

Be prepared for :

  • tears
  • tantrums
  • criticism
  • refusal

Don’t enter into a discussion or explanation. Simply repeat your statements with a smile.

Don’t avoid.

Face It!

Remember:

‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.’

 

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You Choose…

‘Learn how to choose better so you can have better’

Dr Phil McGraw

Yesterday I wrote about the lady addicted to Psychics. She was afraid to make her own choices. She allowed others to make them for her.

In his book, ‘Life Strategies’, Dr Phil writes about Choices. When I first read it, I found it hard to believe but experience has shown me that he’s right. We are all responsible for what happens to us.

 

‘And the Oscar goes to…’

We all know someone who plays the ‘Victim’, don’t we?

‘He ruined my life’ she says…

No!

You allowed him to ruin your life.

‘My boss is so mean to me’ he says.

Is he? And whose responsibility is that? Don’t let him.

If you choose to overlook the behaviour then he’ll carry on being mean to you.

 

‘My elderly mother always gets her own way’, she says.

Why?

Because you choose to let her get her own way.

 

Dr Phil writes that we are indeed responsible for our lives. Responsible, not to blame.

What are you choosing to do in your life that you’d like to stop doing?

 

Tomorrow I’ll write about 

why we avoid making different choices.

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Filed under action, change, fear, instincts, realistic, success, timing